Why do this?

by Linda Carmical on February 11, 2010

It’s a good question.

Hell it’s a valid question.

Why do this?


For me, it goes way back or real deep depending on who’s looking and how they’re looking at it. From my seat …it’s both.

Early childhood to mid teens – “you can be anything you want …you’re wonderful …what the hell is wrong with you …what is your problem …you’re doing that wrong …you’re so smart …how did you know how to do that …you did a great job …can’t you do anything right …that was a stupid thing to do!” UGH! How the hell does a child have a fighting chance?

Mid to late teens – Everything made me feel fat. My hair never did what I wanted it to. Even just one pimples made me feel like it was the only thing a person saw when they looked at me. Bitchy back stabbing girls…good grief they were everywhere! No wonder I liked hanging out with boys better. Speaking of which, why was I always the buddy? Damn I hated sitting at home every weekend. Oh, and what about those paranoid moments? “Are they talking about me? I think they’re talking about me!” Ah, what fond memories I have of it being my week to be ignored. Gotta love junior high crap in high school.

Ah the 20′s.

I think I’ll just make this a list.

  • Met the love of my life. *giggles* (See below)
  • Got married.
  • Moved back to Georgia.
  • Got pregnant.
  • My sister-in-law died in a terrible car accident.
  • Moved to New York. (Hubby’s home state.)
  • Hubby starts his affair….oh, with a woman he worked with and I made dinners for. The card games were fun too. Just wish I hadn’t found out about one week before I gave birth. DROVE ME CRAZY!
  • Had my beautiful daughter.
  • 41 days later hubby decides he wants his family. (To think I was so grateful! *belly laughter ensues* wow.)
  • 7 days later I found my daughter dead.
  • Depression….dark dark dark depression.
  • Got pregnant again and had my beautiful baby boy!
  • Baybeeeeee weight!
  • Got pregnant again and had my beautiful baby girl! Done. LOL
  • Even more baybeeeeee weight!



Thah 30′s!



  • Bad marriage gets worse.
  • Another miscarriage.
  • More weight.
  • Divorce is torture.
  • Met the man of my dreams! (What’s the definition of facade?)
  • Every relationship has issues. *hammer to the head* JK JK JK!!
  • QUIT SMOKING –> October 11, 2001!!!



The Lovely 40′s!

Of course there is so much more to why I want to do this.

  • Too much to talk about.
  • Hi, have we met? I’m a fat ass.




Factoids:

  • I’m 46 and a fat ass.
  • I’ve had weight issues for the majority of my life.
  • I’ve never been happy or comfortable with my body.
  • I’ve been fat since the late ’80s. I got fatter in the ’90s and here I am an even fatter fat ass in the 2000′s.
  • My back hurts, my knees hurt, my legs hurt, my neck hurts. Damn! I hurt! LOL
  • I feel out of breath so easily.
  • My aunt died from diabetes. My granny had a life of diabetes complications. My mom has diabetes. I am on my way to being a diabetic too. I don’t want to be.
  • I have skin issues.
  • I have acid reflux going on now.

…but I’m not about to sit here and spill it all. You’re not a shrink so I’ll spare you.

What I will say is…

I’m just flat out sick and tired of being everyone’s caregiver!



Leave me alone.

Take care of yourself.

Get out of my way.

It’s about me now!

All I know is …This SKINNY CHICK IN A FAT SUIT is sheddin’ the suit!



That’s my story. So, the question to you is…

Why are you doing this?

There’s gotta be a reason that stands out for you.



Leave me a comment below.

:-)

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Cindy February 11, 2010 at 2:58 pm

I was perfectly fine in high school, at 120 lbs, thinking I was fat. I had my son at 18, and gained 60 lbs. He just turned 6, and though I’d lost most of the weight (all but 20 lbs); when I decided to quit smoking at the end of August, and then the holidays hit, I ballooned back to the weight I was when I gave birth. I’ve had enough! I’m short, so I don’t carry the weight too well, though it is all on my stomach. :(

My father in law has diabetes. His an infection in his kidneys spilled to his blood and damn near killed him last week. It was an additional wake up call to keep me motivated. Can you send me the link I need to enter my miles? I’m behind and I need to enter them and can’t find it!

Reply

Linda Carmical February 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Thanks for sharing Cindy. Very sorry about your father-in-law and happy he’s still with us.

I stopped smoking on October 11, 2001 on my drive to funeral services for my work smoking buddy. Best thing I ever did for myself, but oh boy did the weight pile on! (gonna put this in the time-line…thanks)

I’ll email you your personalized link.

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Susie Muckleroy February 11, 2010 at 3:18 pm

Oh, my…NEVER MIND! I guess my life has been wonderful!!! (in comparison). I will NOT complain (as much) about my life anymore. So sorry for your hard times ;-(

I, myself am 47 and I too went through a divorce in my twenties. I fought hard to get it (the divorce), and my cheating husband fought hard not to. I WON! Had his baby son while we were separated.
Met and married my second husband in my late 20′s. Two baby girls with him and Life has been wonderful since. I make a big deal about being over weight, but I never had that problem till my late 30′s, and even then it was a slow gain. BUT I feel very uncomfortable, so this is why I decided.. ENOUGH!

We are finally doing it right- YEAH, I’m with you, Linda- “get out of my way”, “it’s about me now”..
Thanks for all your help!

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Linda Carmical February 11, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Eh…everyone has hard times. I’m no different. :)
Don’t you just hate the slow gain! It makes it so much harder to get rid of!

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Margo February 11, 2010 at 6:07 pm

I have diabetes in my family too, on both sides. Heart problems as well. And, it probably sounds petty, but my entire family is very overweight, and I like being the skinny one. It got to the point where I blended in a little too well, and I didn’t like it. I was also tired of feeling tired and “out of it” all the time, due to poor nutrition. It’s well past time for a change, and I am so happy to be making changes I can stay committed too, finally. Like you said, Linda, I’m a skinny chick getting rid of her fat suit. :)

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Linda Carmical February 11, 2010 at 6:42 pm

When were done we’ll have to do the “skinny dance”! :0)

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Londa Webster February 11, 2010 at 6:44 pm

WOW!!! You go girl. What an awesome read. So motivational.

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Linda Carmical February 11, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Thanks Londa! I hope so!

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Maggie February 11, 2010 at 7:45 pm

That’s a lot of heavy stuff. But you were strong, you survived, and like you said, it’s your turn now! I feel the same way…20 years as a wife and mother, family issues, and so on. I’m ready for it to be about me now too. I think in the end I’ll be a better person because of it, and everyone around me will benefit from it too, not just me. Here’s to us accomplishing all we set out to accomplish and to good health (both physically and emotionally). WE CAN DO IT!
P.S Excellent writing, please keep it up!

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Linda Carmical February 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm

I 2nd that motion! Here’s to us reaching our goals Maggie!
:0)

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Teri Jones February 11, 2010 at 8:06 pm

This is awesome…I feel like exactly the same way…are we twins?…lol It’s weird how I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but at the same time it’s great to know I’m not alone….thanks…teri

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Linda Carmical February 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm

You make it worth sharing Teri. :0)

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Phyllis Goble February 12, 2010 at 9:47 am

Wow, awesome post. Very powerful. I want to do a similar post, but I won’t do it here. Suffice it to say that in my case, there were 2 bad marriages, 3 beautiful daughters, no cigarette habit, a heart attack in my mid-50s, high cholesterol since my early 50s, hypothyroidism, and I’m pre-diabetic.

I’ve been “wanting to do this” since my 30s. Weighed 118 at my first wedding, and thought I was overweight. Little did I know what was to come. Gained more weight with each pregnancy, and never got rid of it. Every year, the number gets higher.

My “golden” number is 200. It’s a thing with me. I simply refuse to break that number. That’s a big motivation for me right now. That, plus the need to be healthier, and the addition of a new business venture distributing weight loss products, and the desire to be “a product of the product”, those are my big reasons.

This was a great question, and a great opportunity to give thought to the answer. I plan to put even more thought into it, based on your post. Maybe I’ll put the rest on my weight loss blog.

-Phyllis

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Linda Carmical February 12, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Your comment was pretty powerful itself Phyllis. I can see there’s been a lot of pain and struggles in your life; even more than you list here. I’m going to spend some time on your blog and see what it’s all about.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post and leave a little of your reason to why do this.

Reply

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